The saddest time of my life

Hello, my name is Debbie and this is my true story.,, Born 1958 1958-1976---mentally, physically, emotionally abused by my mother. Forced to quit high school, ran away, took drugs. Ended up in the hospital from overdose. Sent to boarding school as a punishment for running away. 1977-1984-- Stopped taking drugs. Met a man 14 years my senior and had two beautiful children. Divorced because of age difference (during this time I was very selfish and just a stupid kid.) My mother passed away in 1982. I forgave her 10 minutes before she passed away in her hospital bed, but she never asked me for forgiveness. That really hurt. 1984-1992-Met a boy 6 years my Junior and had two more beautiful boys. Now I have 4 children. The Marriage was very strained, his mother and sister were alchoholics and made my life hell. We moved to Texas where he ran a Company in Mexico. He met a woman in Mexico and had an affair. I took the kids and returned home to Mi. Myself and my kids stayed with my first husband as we were always friends even after the Divorce. 1992-1997...After a few weeks of staying with my first husband I met a man that was the perfect man in my eyes. He loved me with all of his heart and he loved all four of my kids. He was a Christian man and we attended church often. We were so happy. My two older kids lived with my first husband and my one boy went to Mexico to live with his dad so we had my youngest boy living with us. My 3 kids visited often and we were all so very happy. And the best thing of all is that we all got along. Mothers Day 1997---I was waitressing in a small town about half an hour from home. I had the day off so that I could spend Mothers day with my three kids. My two teenagers drove to our home from their dads that morning. My husband and my youngest son made a big breakfast for all of us. We were having such a good time. I got a call from the little restaurant because 2 waitresses called in sick so I told them I would work, we needed the money and on Mothers day the tips would be great. I changed into my uniform, said goodbye to my kids and my husband grabbed me, kissed me and said " I am looking forward to you coming home". That statement bothered me the whole drive to work. It just didn't feel right. When I got to the restaurant it was packed and people were lined up outside the door. I didn't really have time to think, but in the back of my mind something was just not right. Finally after the lunch rush and everything got slower I just felt this awful feeling, kinda like in my heart, hard to explain. I just wanted to get home but I had to stay until 9:00 p.m. The longest day I ever had. Finally, time to go home. We lived in the country in a big beautiful farmhouse that my husband rented before we met. The dirt road leading to the house was about a mile from the main road. I drove down that road in the pitch dark that night and as I came closer to the the house I knew something was wrong.My husband always took a brisk walk every night before dark and would always turn the porch lights on for me. He would tell my 11 year old son that it was time to turn on the outside lights and secure the building. He was an MP in the Army and he told my son that was Military Police talk. The farm was dark as I pulled into the driveway. No lights and no signs of anyone or anything. My heart sank. I walked up the back porch and could only see the stove light on in the kitchen. The door was unlocked and as I walked in I could smell something so bad that I couldn't even breath. My husbands office was just around the corner from the kitchen and I could see something on the floor by the office door. I don't know why I didn't turn on the kitchen lights before going into the office, but I switched on the office light when I got to the door. My husband was on the floor. I screamed, " Corky (short for Cornelius) STOP JOKING, THIS IS NOT FUNNY! I was in shock. I bent down and could tell he was gone....My first thought was that someone killed him and started screaming for my son Michael. He was on the sofa in the living room sleeping. He got up and told me that his step-dad told him not to call 911 or me. I found out later that he was told by a Doctor that he had congestive heart failure and was given a few months to live. He kept it from me....Anyway a few days later on the day of his funeral I got a call from my daughter very early in the morning. She was crying and said that her and my oldest son couldn't make it because her dad was killed by a drunk driver on his way to work....I sware I thought I was dreaming, I dropped the phone and can't even remember my friends clothing me for the funeral. I went into a deep shock. My son had to stay with our neighbors and I stayed in the bedroom for I don't know how long. Nobody could get me to even talk until the day of my ex-husbands funeral a few days later. As I am writing this I am feeling like I am still in shock 17 years later. 1998-2014---I went from one abusive relationship to another through the years. I met someone who was a vendor for bars, setting up pool tables, jukeboxes, video games, etc. We were drunk all of the time. Free drinks for the vendors. My son pretty much grew up with the neighbors. I can't really remember what happened throughout the past few years. My daughter took me in for about a year. I cooked and cleaned for her and thank god she is a very successful woman now as a manager of an annuities company. I couldn't stand to be a burden on her so I started going online. The dating sites. I just wanted her not to worry about me any more so I ended up moving in with this guy who later I found out liked taking pictures and was a real PERV. My sister who is crazy and abusive to my 82 year old dad lives in Tn. She lives in the hills and wanted me to meet her neighbor who has a cabin across the road from her. Well, I moved in with him and found out he is a crazy nut case. I had no car so I walked down a 6 mile hill to a small town and now am living with this poor guy with cancer, three dogs and a car that can bearly get to town. It's a small houseboat with no heat, only space heaters and cold water in the shower. I have been here since the end of July 2013. Also since the deaths of my husbands I am constantly seeing matching numbers way to many times to count.