"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." ?

I have been living in G. for 20 years, but very often go back to H. I am often there, yearly 3 or 4 times... A year ago I went back - again; and there are some tensions in me, and some of these tensions surely originate from - have to do with - H. So i go back and would live there in a small flat. I feel very tense, I try meditation for about 20 or 30 minutes, it does not help at all and i decide: "you take a walk!" It is 1o o´clock in the evening, it is a small flat and I go out and decide to take a walk (what usually helps ). It is 1o o´clock an uphill way, uphill I walk. Nobody is on the street. It is a normal street , enlighted both sides, left and right by metallic electric lightning posts. So I go. It is enlighted both sides, the distance of electric lightning posts cca. 5o meters. It is summer and what makes me in the moment really nervous: the grasshoppers´ crrrp, crrrp, crrrp.. A tropic noise what could be a source of pantheistic joy , but in this moment: no. (Suffocating, boring. ) So I walk, I walk up . In a very hectic, very tense way, like a soldier, a half-mad soldier. "What are you DOING; you are walking like this?, This in no good, it would not help!"- I am saying to myself. "Look, I mean you are 50 years old; who is walking like this ? - You." So I decide: "No. You stop." You just stop right away and you will count (a minimalist thing:) you just count until 10. " And I decided to stop. I stopped. And I counted 1,2,3,4,5 - perhaps 6 - and the incredible tension (in me) was growing and I felt when I count until 10 SOMETHINHG HORRIBLE WOULD HAPPEN. I counted, uttered "8" . Tension very high and the light ( on the electric post near which I was standing ) BLEW OUT. Thus i broke the minimalist thing -the promise . If I stand/count until 10 something horrible would happen: to the grasshoppers ? To someone else ? So I went up, continued my walk for 5 or 10 minutes. Turned back. What I see.? All the lights on THAT SIDE blew off. A very small, very dry , logical summary of the non-Logical...