I believe that which I do not wish to believe

You can put aside all of the stories you've heard. I'm the only source for the true meaning of real " Coincidences ". During the past thirty - five / forty years I've had anywhere from two thousand to many thousands of them. Depends on what would be considered to be meaningful . Really began around 1982 , involved a second involvement with a particular person. That's when the dam broke. In earlier years I was aware that I would always do just the wrong thing in certain circumstances but did not place much importance in them. Thought they could be just chance or subconscious negative decisions and even tho I did believe that some people had psychic ability a less spiritual individual than myself would be hard to find. I thought I did not know what the nature of the universe was and never would. I used to think how odd it would be to have glimpses into an underlying reality. I am now aware of the underlying structure of reality/the universe. I know this by experience and an understanding of myself, that is I know the reason for what has happened to me. And I know the wonder of knowing what I know.. I do not have psychic ability but can read absolutely accurate Tarot...it's part of Coincidence. Unlike other people who have had one or two meaningless strange coincidental experiences mine are all connected to who I am and very recent events. I've never had a single " good " dream in my life, that's part of who I am as well. Many Coincidences of the past two three decades reflect what is weighing heavily on my mind but they never predict future events. Ive dealt with, if briefly, the leading investigators of " Coincidence " of the early - mid 1980's and my early investigations involved psychics , Tarot and astrology... I have my own views on these areas. Truth is my experiences seem to be unique,, never have come across anything like them. I've read Jung's work and did not find anything useful. A lot of his output is fantasy. My views are almost entirely based on what I have experienced , my self awareness and my knowledge of the world. Never come across anyone with my view of existence. All that's on the net are people trying to advance their own agendas. I stopped my investigations about the metaphysical world thirty years ago. I'm beyond speculators, and conventional views of spiritualism . Mine is a long , long story, as strange as the strangest fiction and not something anyone would want to believe but all the pieces fit. Just came across your name as I was doing one of my exceedingly rare searches on the net about the subject. Just shaking the tree. I'm really not interested in a reveal as to the true nature of reality as I'm the most solitary of individuals and just what would be the value of knowing what I know. ?