Chance Encounter

I live in Australia. For five-and-a-half years I was in the worst relationship of my life with a person I would later learn, from various sources including specialists, was a borderline/narcissistic personality. By the end of it my sense of self had been almost completely destroyed, I had no confidence, everything had become a kind of relativistic miasma, my self-esteem was shot, I couldn't think about the future and barely had the energy to get through the day. I was at the end of my rope, not just because of the usual pains of a bad breakup, but because I had been leveled by degrees, by stealth, over the course of half a decade. The thing is, I didn't really understand that at the time. So the short story is this: a string of coincidences led me on a four-month international jag. I spent a little time in London. I met a friend at a pub, on a whim. We were drinking. I look up. And my ex's ex walks in the door. Now two things are important: 1). Over the course of my relationship this guy was held up to be a total demon, a black-hearted monster of the first order, and 2). we kinda knew each other before that relationship started. So when we made eye contact there was a moment in which to make a decision, and we both decided to go "Hey!" We talked for about six hours. Only in the last twenty minutes did we discuss our mutual ex. He asked what happened. Sensing a chance to gain some perspective, I asked what happened between he and her. Everything he said was blow for blow what had happened to me. As it turns out, it had happened to the guy before him as well, and the one before that. He knew that, because this was the second or third time he'd had this conversation. As he laid out both his experience and the experience of others I felt about half a tonne lift and a good part of my old self return. If that hadn't happened, I'm not kidding, it would have taken me years to regain any kind of equilibrium, perspective, understanding or peace. It went a long way to saving me.